Children – Traveling Mark

Making Friends with Villagers

Banteay Kdei was the first bigger temple I stopped at during my second day at Angkor but I was already heat-exhausted. Previous two stops at Prasat Kravan and Bat Chum were very brief and Banteay Kdei itself was much smaller than Angkor Wat or Bayon I visited the day prior so there was no real reason to feel tired but the intensity of Cambodian sun is not to be taken lightly. Sweat was oozing out of every pore on my skin turning the clothes I was wearing into a mush of grease.

If I were to continue riding bicycle and exploring more temples in this heat, I needed a break to recharge. I really needed a gush of cooling breeze but since that doesn’t exist at Angkor, I had to make do with the shade of a large tree. And once I got my breath back and stopped dripping like a broken faucet, I was gonna buy a coconut. Or two.

Like all other bigger temples of Angkor, Banteay Kdei is also overrun with aggressive, in-your-face touts and pestering children who won’t leave your side. As if dealing with scorching heat was not enough of a challenge already, you are also forced to battle off these relentless hustlers. There is no escaping them. You’ll waste a lot of energy shaking one off and just as you’re ready to breathe the fresh air having gotten yourself rid of it, a new half a dozen jump down your back and you’re back to ground zero.

The entire Angkor experience is greatly bastardized by touts who won’t leave you alone for one second. You can’t stop for a moment to take a picture cause it will give them time to encircle you so you have no way to escape their clutch. You can’t take a look to the left or to the right cause there will be a groups of them there who will instantly take advantage of an eye contact you have made and will treat it as an invitation to hustle you into buying worthless junk from them.

As I was exploring Banteay Kdei, I could not wait to get out of the temple grounds cause there were just too many touts inside and they were just too aggressive. I walked hastily towards the exit hoping to find salvation behind that giant gate with four smiling faces on top. But as soon as I made it through, I was jumped by a whole host of fresh touts who were awaiting just outside. Imagine the level of frustration this puts you through.

It was like: “You got to be kidding me! You are trying to sell me the same junk the touts inside had. If I had any intention to buy any of it, I would have bought it from the touts who harassed me inside. Hack, I could have bought it from the dozens of those at Prasat Kravan where I was earlier. Better yet, I could have bought it from the thousands of them super aggressive pests I had to deal with the day prior while I was at the most famous of all temples.”

Don’t these people get it? Everyone inside was bothering me with the same pirated books. What makes them think I would have gone through great lengths to not buy any from the touts inside only to change my mind now that I stepped outside? Regardless, they got right in my face and started with their mental torture, bashing at me from every angle I could turn to. It was absolutely horrible which only added to an overall feeling of being entirely heat-exhausted.

Abused or not, I could not go on. I needed a break, a coconut and a new bottle of water to take with me. I asked the girls if it was possible to hide in a shade of that large tree to the side of the entrance, where they all had plastic chairs full of extra pirated books just in case they’re having a good day and start running out.

Pausing right in the middle of the viper’s nest came with its repercussions – obviously. While it’s normally only about half a dozen of touts you have on your back at any given time, by pausing within their operation ground I had a whole host of them outscreaming one another in desperate attempts to trick me into buying something from them. It was beyond ridiculous but I needed a break regardless. I was too sweaty to go on.

The life didn’t stop with me being there, though. It was interesting to see how quickly their focus changes. While they all were on me because I was paused in their territory, when a new tuk tuk pulled in, their attention immediately shifted towards their new prey. And from the shade of the tree, I silently watched those other tourists desperately trying to shake them off, and just shook my head at how it was yielding zero results. I heard them all swearing in disbelief, trying to explain to the touts that they don’t need any of their worthless junk but it was all in vein. Visibly devastated by this ongoing abuse, the foreigners had to take it all in disgust.

Because Angkor touts seem to have territorial agreements between one another, entering a new territory means the end of abuse from one group, and the beginning of abuse from another. So when new tourists I saw coming escaped the grip of the touts operating in front of Banteai Kdei by entering the temple, they exposed themselves to the touts inside and the focus of the touts outside, which got temporarily shifted away from me was once again redirected back to me.

This pattern kept repeating with each new tourist (or a group of tourists) that made a stop at Banteay Kdei. Each time someone new came, they all went running to encircle them and when they walked inside the temple (aka outside their territory), they came back to me as even though I was just resting, I was still a foreigner and that translates to endless attempts to sell me something.

An interesting thing happened, though. After a good while and numerous attempts to make money at me, some of the girls eventually eased up on hustling and started to talk to me like friends. We talked about the country I came from as well as the country I was in, we talked about the way relationships work in Cambodia, about life in the village they were from, as well as a bunch of regular whinery Cambodians seem to be professionals at – how poor they are and how difficult it is for them to survive.

This was interesting because this whinery lands them with a lot of free stuff. The poorer they make themselves look in the eyes of dozens of foreigners they came in touch with every day, the more they get from them in donations and sponsorships. The girls I met had their English classes, their motorcycles, their expensive clothes – so many things paid for by people they abused during the course of their “duty”. They are used to getting handouts so an alternative is not an attractive option for them. The alternative, of course, is to invest time and effort into studying so as to acquire a skill that could land them a job and a career. But that requires hard work, dedication, sacrifice and in the end puts you in a position of having to go to work and deliver results as per your employer’s requirements. Then they would be able to buy their own motorcycle, their own clothes and pay for their own further education. But who can be bothered to do that. It’s much easier to just get in front of the temple and whine about how poor we are and be handed that out for free. So they do precisely that. And foolish foreigners, who have not been lucky enough to have someone pay for their education, go to work every day and dedicate the best days of their lives to earning money in the sweat of their own brow, end up falling for the trick and the handouts keep pouring in. Thus the culture of handouts gets enrooted deeply in the minds of the people who don’t even try to improve their own lives. But let’s get back to me making friends with the villagers.

I was definitely more heat-exhausted than I would have liked to admit so I spend good one and a half hour chatting away with those new found friends. Three of the girls in their early twenties were particularly nice to chat with as they were the only ones operating outside of the temples that were old enough to eventually get the fact that I’m simply just resting before the rest of my journey and am not buying anything other than coconuts and water.

Most of the touts harassing tourists are children deployed by their parents, though. It’s a perfect case of child slavery where parents are the masters. Instead of going to school, children are forced into spending their whole days at the temples to abuse foreigners because it’s easier for a child to pull off fake tears with lies to land some cash. These children are taught basic phrases that are proven to work the best. They often involve open lies, such as that they have no parents and need money for school, none of which is true. The “where are you from?” response to being told “No” is also a common phrase these children are taught.

Other than that, most of these children are too young to understand the foreign language well enough to get it when you’re trying to explain why you can’t buy anything from them. So they will just follow you around while continuously mumbling their memorized chants and you’ll have absolutely nothing to work with to get them off your side.

It was a little better with Saly, Sarein and Sokai (or Kai for short) who were past their twenties and spoke better English. After they’d failed to sell me their books the tenth time and after I’d repeatedly made myself clear about being unable to buy anything from them, they eventually stopped harassing me and only came over for a chat. They took off each time a new tourist showed up, but after the tourists entered other tout’s territory and there was nobody else to harass, they came to me to talk. It’s a long day they have at the temple (they start at dawn, which is often before 6am and “work” until dusk, which is at around 6pm) so killing time while they’re waiting for their next prey with someone new helped them get through the day faster.

This break I took eventually turned out being quite an interesting experience. I made new friends with those three girls and ended up spending almost every day of the rest of my stay in Cambodia with them. Saly and Sarein lived in the village on the south bank of Sras Srang, opposite Bantey Kdei temple, while Kai lived with her mother in the village along the road lining the northern bank. Child slaves never actually stopped bothering me, not even after months of coming there day in, day out, but this was definitely the most authentic Cambodian experience I could have asked for.

Chid Sex Tourism in Cambodia

The premise of child sex tourism is something that has never once in my life crossed my mind. Not once, at least not until I came to Cambodia. From the moment I entered the country to the moment I left it, the billboards plastered all over Cambodia kept reminding me that child sex tourism in Cambodia is a thriving industry enjoyed by many.

Photo: Child Sex Tourism is Advertised All Over Cambodia

I began to seriously question the true purpose behind the posters which albeit written to sound as a warning to child sex tourists, did instead subconsciously remind everyone that even if it would never ever occur to them to engage in sex with a child, many people travel to Cambodia for that very purpose so perhaps they should consider it to.

I honestly wonder how many of those who came to Cambodia with sole intention to see ancient Angkor ruins, planned their follow up visit after they were reminded by the so called anti-sex-tourism posters that Cambodia is a suitable country for the deviants to exploit children. I wonder how many of those who did end up exploiting Cambodian children would never have done it had the posters not suggested to them that in this country it’s possible. Cause if I were to guess, I’d say that most men who exploited Cambodian children did not seek out Cambodia in particular, but found out about the possibility to engage in something like that while they were there.

Drop In The Ocean

Cambodian government is so loud mouthed about targeting child sex tourists it made me question what exactly it was they were trying to achieve? Is targeting foreigners all they care about or do they also give a crap about those poor children? I had to ask this simply because compared to rapes of Cambodian children perpetrated by local men, sexual exploitation of Cambodian children by sex tourists is a drop in the ocean.

But there is no government initiative aimed at eliminating child exploitation by locals. These cases don’t even get filed and perpetrators don’t get prosecuted. They are free to exploit these children as often as they please and by golly, do they ever… So if the government doesn’t give a damn about the wellbeing of children, then what is this war on child sex tourism masquerade all about?

The necessity to target child sex tourists in as urgent and stringent manner as humanly possible has never been more important. The world is far better connected now than it ever was and with travel more affordable than it was in the past, the threat of sick-minded individuals talking advantage of children from impoverished countries is on the rise. It’s an issue that can’t be put off but could it be that it’s also a good excuse to grease a corrupt third world pocket with some western dough?

The sole thought that this could be the case is made even more sickening by the fact that while pockets are being greased, the rate at which children are exploited is not dropping. Their well being simply doesn’t appear to be of concern, but it’s a good opportunity to make the government known for being the most corrupt in the world look concerned and determined to make a difference in the eyes of the international community.

The Power of Good Press

“Cambodian government is dedicated to fighting child sex tourism” – it has a very good ring to it, doesn’t it? To make themselves look like they care about the most vulnerable part of their society could easily make the international community overlook the fact that corruption and human rights abuses are unrivalled in Cambodia. And while the bigger picture and the true problem get lost in the blaze of the child sex tourism fighting glory, the large scale exploitation of Cambodian children by their own kin continues unhindered, but who cares? The government appears to be concerned with children through their self professed war on child sex tourism, so let’s praise them for it!

In a perfect scheme of things, by seemingly targeting foreigners who travel to Cambodia to exploit children, Cambodian government makes itself look like they really care. And that gets them funding. They just need to do three things:

Instruct the police so no rape reports perpetrated by locals are filed
Exaggerate the impact of child sex tourism
Present themselves as an impoverished country with no budget to fight it

If there are no statistics to prove high occurrence of rape perpetrated by locals, no one will have a reason to suspect it could be the case. And if anyone got too eager to investigate on it, they would find nothing they could work with. Furthermore, with war against child sex tourism in everyone’s face, the focus of independent investigative journalists would be drawn that way cause that’s what the international community talks about and that’s what causes all the outrage. And so the government has both its own initiative, as well as the international press creating a picture which portrays them as dedicated fighters for the rights of children.

With focus successfully taken off the real issue and put on a miniscule, but upsetting one, the Cambodian government is now seen in good light so if they bring up the fact that they don’t have the budget to fight child sex tourism, the international community is likely to come together and provide funding.

Problem From Abroad

Child sex tourism is something that Cambodia is hit with from abroad and that makes it something that countries outside of Cambodian borders are responsible for. That’s a pretty good argument to make the international community feel obliged to contribute to the war on child sex tourism. The problem comes from abroad, so let the money to fight it come from abroad too.

Imagine that instead of blaming foreigners for exploitation of children, the Cambodian government would provide truthful rape statistics which would reveal that vast majority of cases involving exploitation of children were perpetrated by Cambodians. Imagine the numbers would clearly indicate that Cambodian government has done nothing over the decades to protect these children in any way.

Would the international community still see the Cambodian government as an entity entirely devoted to protecting the wellbeing of children? Would the international community still feel as obliged to finance the initiative?

Child sex tourists may account for one in a thousand cases of sexual exploitation of children in Cambodia, but targeting them greases the corrupt government pockets, whereas targeting local rapists doesn’t. Where does that leave the children? Well, tough luck for them. They continue being exploited on a large scale because it’s not really them the government cares about. If they did, perpetrators from friendly neighborhoods would be targeted thousands times as often as child sex tourists are but right now it’s the other way around.

All for One, One For All

The child sex tourism issue in Cambodia is a perfect example which explains what I wrote about in the “How Far You Can See Is Determined By How High You Can Fly” article. It is such a serious issue, it deserves utmost attention and immediate action, however unless people who talk about it rise up to see the bigger picture, the sad reality for many Cambodian children will remain unchanged. And unfortunately, I have yet to meet one person who wouldn’t be completely dim-witted to see the real problem, so I took upon myself to call it for what it is here.

I care about the real problem. I care about the well being of innocent children. And because it’s not heaps of positive press and approval of the sheep that drives me, I don’t lower myself to limiting my reporting to merely what delivers said positive press and approval of the sheep. If all I wanted was positive press, then I would do what everybody else does and would write up an extensive post on how awful child sex tourism is and how big a problem it’s become in Cambodia. That would get the sheep bleeping in accord with me, but would keep the real problem in the dark and with it, the real children as exploited as ever with no outlook of positive change in their already miserable lives.

Unless someone talks about the real problem and addresses it for what it really is, instead of hiding behind a popular topic of condemning child sex tourism to boost their popularity rankings as an investigative journalist, the horrifying reality for scores of Cambodian children will remain as bleak as ever. They are out there and they are suffering in huge numbers because all the public’s outrage targets and draws attention to are child sex tourists, while local rapists whose heinous crimes are done with such severity and frequency they literally make exploitation by foreigners negligent, continue abusing these children unhindered.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m in absolute and irrefutable support of bringing child sex tourists to justice but even if we’re successful and child sex tourism is put to a complete halt in Cambodia, it will improve little to nothing about the miserable lives of exploited children in Cambodia. Sick foreigners are certainly a problem, but they are not the main problem. They must be targetted, but the initiative should not end with them. Sexual exploitation of Cambodian children by tourists faints in comparison with how much and how often these children get exploited by locals.

All Children deserve a chance at a better life. They all deserve our protection. Let’s stop ignoring where the bigger problem is and start calling it for what it is. Take those rose tinted glasses off your nose for once and step outside the bubble. It’s our turn to be responsible. Let’s support war on child sex tourism, but let’s at the same time insist that rapists who exploit children on much higher scale are dealt with at an adequate pace.

I Can’t Stand Kids No More

It’s funny how we sometimes can’t stand certain things yet in the end it’s that very thing that makes us love them. This is exactly what happened to me. I had bad experiences with kids and it got to a point that I couldn’t stand kids anymore but it only took that one kid to make me see them in a whole new light and now I can say that I can’t stand kids no more (no more being the keyword).

When Ha told me she had a child, I had all kinds of weird thoughts. I’ve never had children of my own so my perception of them has always been rather third handed. The last memory I had of kids was that of a horrible plane experience. Each of my three flights from Edmonton to Siem Reap, Cambodia had annoying, screaming kids on board who would not quit yelling for one minute. As if being cramped within a small space, with limited legroom for 10 hour was not bad enough, I also had to listen to nonstop screaming that started before takeoff and didn’t stop until I got off the plane. Long flights tire you down a lot, but having someone scream without a break while you’re at it takes it to a whole new level by giving you a headache from hell.

After this type of experience with kids, I really didn’t feel like coming in further contact with children, no matter how presumably well behaved they were believed to be. That’s why I couldn’t grasp the concept of Ha loving her child. My first thought when she told me that she had a daughter was – “Why don’t you just get rid of it somehow and be done with her? She’ll be no burden to you no more…” I thought she’d be happy if someone wanted to rid her of that kid… I thought she’d grab at the first opportunity to be done with the girl and move on with her life without the annoyance of a spoiled, screaming kid.

Yet she kept mentioning how much her daughter meant to her and how she couldn’t imagine life without her so I just silently wondered what the heck was wrong with her and politely nodded to each of her daughter-full heart pours.

We were at the Royal Independence Gardens admiring the shriek of mesmerising Fruit Bats when Ha told me it was time for her to go home to check out on her daughter and insisted that I go with her. She wanted me to meet the little girl and said she would pay for the Tuk Tuk so long as I come. I was not impressed with the idea, but she had spent whole night with me and went with me to see the bats (aka she went where I wanted her to go) so I somewhat felt obliged to return the favour and go where she would like me to go.

It was a beautiful day but there would be no way for me to use it to initiate my Angkor Archaeological Park exploration adventure and since I had nothing more exciting lined up for today, I agreed I would accompany Ha to her uncle’s place where she was staying and meet her daughter. I really enjoyed Ha’s company and wanted her to spend more of the day with me, but for that she needed to go home to change clothes and do whatever other things she needed to do so it only made sense that I would go with her.

We flagged down a Tuk Tuk, the driver saw me which meant he tried to overcharge us for the ride but Ha put him in place and we headed towards the north east corner of Siem Reap, to an area far away from where any foreigners ever go. The houses there looked the way most Cambodian houses do – thatched barns on stilts made exclusively of wooden planks. This is what most Cambodians live in and so did Ha’s uncle and his wife who accommodated Ha during her stay in Siem Reap.

The house had a little storage room attached to itself at the front end, it was only big enough to have one bed also made of bare wooden planks inside and that’s where Ha and her daughter were staying. Roof was covered with random, irregularly shaped pieces of metal, wood and thatch, with many holes that let water in when it was raining. Since there was nowhere to hide inside of that room and since it was rainy season, the two ladies must have been getting rained on on regular basis. From a westerner’s point of view, it looked like something I wouldn’t even throw a dog to live in and here it was used as the only way by a 23 year old girl and her 4 year old daughter. But the worst part was, that they had to pay (unreasonably high) monthly rent for it.

Photo: Big Lizard Crawling Down The Base of the House Where Ha and Her Daughter Lived

From what Ha explained to me, her uncle wanted to actually help her out and wouldn’t mind leaving her in the room for free, but his wife (Who is Cambodian – typical) was against and decided to cash on a desperate couple that didn’t have many options and had to take whatever was offered to them. Way to make a bank on other people’s misfortune.

This was how Ha and her daughter lived. No wonder she was so excited to accept my invitation to sleep with me in an air conditioned room, on a soft bed with blankets and with shower with clean water. Coming from a dog house that looked like slaves storage facility, anything would be an upgrade.

Photo: Home Made Decoration Reflected The Condition of the House

But let’s get back to kids and how I couldn’t stand them. After I had met with Ha’s daughter, my hatred for kids was gone. I started to understand what she meant when she said that she loved her daughter and could not imagine her life without her. I started to understand where the beauty of small children lies. My perception of children was wrong, but was I in for a surprise! If at some time I couldn’t stand kids, then after meeting Ha’s daughter this feeling was in me no more.

Photo: Little Girl Showing Me Where She Lives

More photos of this little girl in the 4 Year Old Daughter Photo Gallery.

Why I Never Give to the Beggars and Why Neither Should You

As you travel through the third world countries, you will encounter beggars a lot. As a budget traveller who’s on the tour around the world, I have to spend wisely and giving away may in return put me in a position of a hungry and a lost. Furthermore, beggars who sell trinkets of no value on a pretense of working so they don’t have to beg are a no no for someone like me as well. If you move from place to place and none is your long stay home, you carry all you have with you. In such cases there is simply no room for anything that’s not essential. But none of these are main reasons why I never give to the beggars and why neither should you.

Who Are the Beggars?

When you set foot in third world countries, you will notice that beggars are always people who are intensely difficult to say no to: children, old people, visibly disabled, etc. It is not unusual to see a 7 year old boy carrying his 2 year old little sister with big, beaming eyes locked on your food in his arms. He would gently tap you while you’re lavishing on your breakfast and would make a movement with his available hand to simulate the food putting in his mouth. He will bear a very sad face, often with cheeks visibly marked with tears and his little sister will add to it by delivering the look of a completely innocent, yet hungry child. How do you say no to that?

And that’s exactly it – “how do you say no to that?” People who send those kids after tourists to beg them out of money realize that it is near impossible to say no to children like that. That’s why they send them and don’t go begging themselves. Children are easy to exploit and so are old and visibly disabled people. When you see an old person who should be enjoying their retirement after whole life of hard work, but instead looks in bad shape, underfed, dirty wearing worn out clothes, you can’t help but feel sorry and willing to help. But sadly, more often than not, they are out there because their looks are so striking, they are more likely to succeed. And are easy to force into begging.

It is the same with visibly disabled people. When you see a person with both arms missing and a sign hung on his neck stating that he has no chance at getting a job being disabled in a country with extremely high unemployment, you can easily relate and feel sorry for the person. Fact is, they scarcely have easy lives no matter where they live, but their custom tailored “sales copy” with which they appeal to you clearly shows how well they are prepared for begging and how well polished their begging methods are.

Fact of a matter is, it’s always people who are strikingly difficult to resist because their looks will touch the soft spot of even the toughest of persons who go out begging. That fact itself should raise alarms and say a lot about how easy these people could be potentially exploited or abused to benefit from their misfortunes.

Things Beggars Say

There are certain things beggars like to say. They are in it for one and only reason – to get as much money out of other people as possible. This is their sole purpose and they are ready and willing to do/say whatever it takes to ensure maximum efficiency of their “performance”. They know darn well that if they said that they are only begging because their parents told them they would not buy them new bicycle unless they bring in $20 a day, it may not tarnish desired results. Hence they will say whatever appears to work the best, whatever appears to deliver results (make most people give most money). To say what they want to hear, instead of what you want to say is a known and safe method to achieve a goal not only among beggars, but also among many other professions.

When a lawyer makes closing speech before the members of jury, he/she will focus on highlighting things he/she believes will have the strongest impact on this particular set up of jurors. Picking up right lines to say is the key between winning or losing the case. And it’s no different with begging. Whether and how much is a beggar going to get from any particular person depends on what he/she says and how well he/she presents him/herself. Similarly, when hamburger company chooses the lines for their TV advertising, they will say what is most likely to get people to buy their hamburgers. They won’t base their sales pitch on how much MSG is stuffed in each patty or that occasional rats make it to the grinder where their patties are mass produced. No. They will say whatever is most likely to make your fat ass to get off the chair and buy one.

It is no different with beggars. Polished from talking to hundreds, maybe thousands of people each month, they already know what works the best and can even assess what would work best with which person. Believing that a sob story presented to you is true would be rather foolish. While some may be based on the truth, always keep in mind that beggars solely and strictly say what is most likely to yield best results (aka make you give them cash).

Why Giving to the Beggars Causes More Harm Than Good

The more easy money the beggars get, the more encouraged they will be to continue begging. If begging remains a profitable venture, why would they even consider trying something else? Parents will continue forcing their children onto the streets and pimps will continue exploiting the weak and disabled onto the same.

What To Do If You DO Have Money to Spare and Wish to Help Regardless?

The best thing to do is to take your funds to a charity with good track record of helping people in need. Local charities should have it down and know the people who really need help and also know those who just exploit children and disabled. This would distribute your contributions effectively and would target those you intend to target.

If you can’t help the urge and feel sincere need to help a beggar on the spot, buy them food or give them the rest of what you were eating when they approached you. Avoid giving them money or anything that has monetary value and can be taken to a pawn shop to sell. If you truly believe they are poor and need help, then there is nothing more important for them than good meal. Even inexpensive fruit would do the trick as it’s a tasty and nutritious snack. If you do give them money, they may not even get food as a result. Pimps could be watching from a car nearby and beggars would know it.

Don’t encourage begging and abuse by the pimps and parents. Don’t give beggars any money. You best not give anything to get these people off the streets because when there is no money to be made begging, no one will beg.