Before I embarked on my long journey around the world, I used to go to that gothic club in downtown Edmonton. Being a gothic club, it was frequented by the most open-minded and tolerant people in the city. Because gothic people accept others for who they are without prejudices, everyone was able to come out of the closet regardless of how culturally questionable their kink was. Needless to say, the club was popular with gay people, cross dressers, transsexuals and practitioners of countless alternative lifestyles because whether one liked dressing up in a medieval armour, wearing weird flashy hair extensions or being on a leash, this club was the one place where they were never judged and never had their ways of expressing themselves questioned. It was also the only club in the city which wasn’t plagued by regular acts of violence.
Having been in a sub/dom relationship myself, I had a firsthand experience with BDSM and everything that comes with it. Contrary to popular belief, words cannot describe how emotionally empowering BDSM relationships are. The amount of trust and responsibility common among partners living in a sub/dom relationship is not easily found among people who deem the BDSM lifestyle repulsive or unappealing.
But this is not the topic of this article. Instead, what I want to bring up is an interesting phenomenon that sub/dom relationships reveal to a keen eye. I have never met another person who would notice and realize this phenomenon so I gave it the name of my own and called it “The BDSM Effect“.
The BDSM Effect
Healthy BDSM relationships are consensual expressions of love that involve dominance of one partner over another. They are based on the fact that the dominant partner (aka Master) draws as much pleasure from dominating someone as the submissive partner (aka Slave) draws from being dominated. But who really is the slave?
While there is no denying that Masters enjoy every bit of being in control of their slaves, they do it because they know their slaves draw immense pleasure from it. Even though they are masters of the play, the very purpose of their dominance is to please the slave. They are – even though it appears to be the other way around – servants of their slaves, doing everything they can to drive their slaves up the wall with ecstasy.
The BDSM Effect vs The Internet
I have written a lot lately about the internet and the danger this tool represents for weak-minded individuals when it stops being a tool and starts being an addiction. I believe that the above described BDSM effect, which nobody else seems to notice, is a perfect method to explain the fine line between using the internet to serve you and being under its spell.
In BDSM relationships you find a master and his/her slave. To the master, as well as (almost) everybody else who would look at the two, it would be unquestionably clear that the master has everything, especially the slave under his/her control. In a user/internet relationship it would likewise unquestionably seem that the user is in full control of his/her tool, but just because something seems unquestionably one way, it doesn’t mean it’s not the other way around, we just fail to see what really is going on under that obvious surface. That’s the BDSM Effect for you!